Analysis Paralysis

I am having a bad case of analysis paralysis.  I don't know what I am afraid of.  My mind goes 200 miles a minute and I think that hinders me from bringing what has a hold on me to the forefront.  I notice when I am contacted by my mother my anxiety goes up 1000%.  The thing is I don't like to be pushed.  I don't like socializing with persons I do not have a connection with.  I don't speak much about it because someone always try to judge you on your emotions or tell you how to feel.

My idea of forgiveness is I forgive just to cut all ties.  Right or wrong I feel I have do all I can do.  I think the thing is she is always talking about use being friends, us going shopping, and us dressing alike like sisters.  I have a real problem with that.  I have tried to give her a chance but I am just not feeling it.  I was raised by my grandmother as you may figure so that is really the only mother I know.

She was the one there when I had all my surgeries, in the hospital, and having horrible bronchitis.  She was there for my graduation also.  All the things that are important she was there.  My granny is getting up in age and she is shrinking and not doing all she could but she is so full of life.  She listens to my rants and raves, she will laugh or just be a listening ear.  I tried to share some of my world with my mother but she turned it into something totally different. 

To be continued....