******************DISCLAIMER**********************
This may not be available for everyone.  Please consult your physician as you working together manage your healthcare.  This is the first video in my love in abundance series.

Check out this resource at: http://www.needymeds.org/  I am not a professional in anything just sharing life experiences.

I felt this could help with the state of this economy.  Problems do not go away because you lose your ability to pay.  If you need someone to talk to help is available. 

Get Help for Free if you need it or at little cost to you....

Insomnia

So I went to bed.  Nothing happened.  When I got to a point I should’ve been asleep I was fleeing and searching for something.  Yes, the vivid dreams.  I was looking for something I don’t know what but I was in a haste to find it.  I had on a white dress and I was going from room to room, I guess at some point I got tired of looking and woke up.  As a side note, in my dreams I am rarely overweight, I am always thin and pale.  I often wonder what that is.  Boy am I drained!  I feel like I have been running in the sun at 100 mph with the sun beaming down on me.  I look at the clock and only 25 minutes had past since I fell asleep.  What a jip!  I have had a lot of anxiety last week because my eye doctor’s office called.

She decided to remind me that it had been a year since my surgery and it’s time to do a recheck and hopefully get the stitches out.  I’m at a point where I’m like leave me alone!  But I feel the pressure is heavy and I’ve been having the headaches again so it’s time to go in.

I Hope You Understand....

People always joke that people with bipolar disorder are crazy or are like a three-headed monster.  I know that they are not crazy; they just see the world in color.  Sometimes that color is grey, as I think in terms of depression, and sometimes I think the color is in HD as in mania.  One does not get the choice to decide which color to see.  Some lean more toward the major depression end of the spectrum as I do, and some more toward manic.

There could be many things that trigger an episode either way.  There are some words that when I hear them it just puts me out of commission.  It can be for a day, a week, even a month.  I sometimes think when that happens it is my body’s way of protecting itself and helping itself to regroup.  Everyone does not understand.  Some say just snap out of it, some admit to not understanding and do not say anything at all.

-BHS

Analysis Paralysis

I am having a bad case of analysis paralysis.  I don't know what I am afraid of.  My mind goes 200 miles a minute and I think that hinders me from bringing what has a hold on me to the forefront.  I notice when I am contacted by my mother my anxiety goes up 1000%.  The thing is I don't like to be pushed.  I don't like socializing with persons I do not have a connection with.  I don't speak much about it because someone always try to judge you on your emotions or tell you how to feel.

My idea of forgiveness is I forgive just to cut all ties.  Right or wrong I feel I have do all I can do.  I think the thing is she is always talking about use being friends, us going shopping, and us dressing alike like sisters.  I have a real problem with that.  I have tried to give her a chance but I am just not feeling it.  I was raised by my grandmother as you may figure so that is really the only mother I know.

She was the one there when I had all my surgeries, in the hospital, and having horrible bronchitis.  She was there for my graduation also.  All the things that are important she was there.  My granny is getting up in age and she is shrinking and not doing all she could but she is so full of life.  She listens to my rants and raves, she will laugh or just be a listening ear.  I tried to share some of my world with my mother but she turned it into something totally different. 

To be continued....

Confusion

For the last few weeks I have been feeling confused.  It's like I am just flailing in the wind on this weight loss.  I know what to do it's like I need an internal conformation to keep going.  I haven't stopped but it has slowwwwwed wayyyy down.  I feel as though I was premature after my 100 lb loss of changing the program.  If it's not broken do not fix it.  The thing is I feel as if I am having a mental battle of some sort but I don't understand why.  I feel as if I need to touch nature to get my energies aligned.

My Weight My Shield...

How to Lose Weight and Be Successful in the Long Term

1.  Be mentally ready to begin the journey.
Most when starting a lifestyle change do the opposite, they start making the physical strides like going to the gym, changing their eating habits or even working out at home but never take the time to ask themselves if they are mentally ready.
 Questions to ask yourself:
 How do I feel about making this change?
Have I thought about how to sustain this lifestyle change?
Have I thought about how this making this decision will benefit me and/or my family?


2.  See the overall big picture.  This will help you to determine how this decision will benefit you in the long run or effect your life.  Make sure to have a plan.
Do an assessment of resources are available to you.  For example, if you are not able to afford a gym does your library allow the checking out of DVDs or VHS cassettes?  Is there a health club based on your income you can join?
If you have underlying issues that may interfere with your journey you may need some talk therapy to help.
Need help?  Just ask.  Your family and friends may love being a part of  your journey.

3.  Think Your Plan Through Carefully.
    Write down your plan and read over it to make sure it is realistic.  Losing 100 lbs in a 3 month period may not be realistic but losing 1-2 pounds a week may be.  No one has to know      what the plan is but you if necessary.  You can discuss with a friend or someone who will give you helpful, non-judgmental criticism if you would like but make sure they are able to help not hinder.

4.  Execute your Plan SLOWLY.
 Making a lifestyle change is not a race and does not need to be completed by a certain date.  This is not to be confused with goal setting.  Most will not agree with that but to some goals= stress and pressure.  Some may shut down or get so wound up in setting goals they never start.
 It is not necessary to put yourself in a box.  It is fine to be broad at first that way you will have room for improvements and tweaks to your plan.  Being so strict that you have not flexibility may hinder your growth.  When you do reach a milestone then you can revisit your plan for tweaking.

5.  Have a Plan for Damage Control.
 Many leave that part out of there plan and are caught like a deer in headlights when they have a bad day, surprise work lunch, or social gatherings.  You cannot cut yourself off from the world because you are on a weight loss journey nor do you want to be cut off.  If you have a bad day make sure to have a plan of action of what you can do to relieve stress.  You may can work out, write in a journal, take a bubble bath or long hot shower.  If there is a social gathering find a low calorie item that will fit into your calorie budget as most restaurants have their nutrition facts available on the website or menu.

6.  Don’t try to be perfect, be flexible.
Do not have an all or nothing attitude as it may hinder your progress or stifle your drive.  Everything is not in black and white there are gray areas.  Not being flexible is a recipe for failure.

7.    Remember that your journey is your own.
As no one can take a single step for you, do not let one dictate your journey.  It is fine to seek advice and take suggestions from others but do not get discouraged if your journey does not got the same as theirs.  People are different not all outcomes are the same.  Realizing that will save you many headaches and disappointments later.

Be a Sponge.
Take in all the information you can from reliable sources, avoid fad diets, and research.  They kill your metabolism and you do not learn proper nutrition and portion control.  Make sure to use your resources to the fullest.  They are there to help and want to help.

 

No Energy

How do I feel today?  I feel as if I got zapped and all my energy is gone.  It’s cloudy outside and that may be the reason.  I need the sun to kiss my face, arms, or something.  I am very stiff so I may need to do some yoga.  It’s weird because my stamina is up there.  I just drank a green protein shake that I am waiting to kick in.  As I sit here with a million ideas going around in my head I just feel like I’m paralyzed.  Today is February 1^st how time flies.  Most of my days seem to run together if it was not for a calendar I would not know what was going on.
I think I told someone I was going to join a jumping jack challenge.  The goal is 300 a day.  The overall number is what I think is paralyzing me, but I think if I just start jumping I will make some headway.  My weigh in is tomorrow where I see if I made my goal of losing 100lbs.  That is paralyzing me also.  That is why I don’t put a date to a goal as I get so anxious.  I should’ve just done as I been doing and just hopped on the scale as I do and if I do, I do.

Some of My Hangups....

I feel sometimes that my thoughts may be too heavy for others that is why I start to write them here.  I need to get them out as it is a part of my cleansing.  For many years I held things in and if you keep doing that it will boil over.  When I was younger I was a cutter, it just gave me a sense of lightness as it felt like I had held my breath for years and could exhale.  After each time I felt cleansed.  I don’t know what I was cleaning though.  I know some of the reason is because my parents left me behind and I wondered often if they didn’t want the child with the broken eye.


They had their own things going so I felt left out.  My granny’s birthday was the day before yesterday.  She is still jovial as usual.  She asked me to go to church with her Sunday for a convention.  I had to decline, but she understood, not really but she will, one day.

My Struggle

People always joke that people with bipolar disorder are crazy or are like a three-headed monster.  I know that they are not crazy; they just see the world in color.  Sometimes that color is grey, as I think in terms of depression, and sometimes I think the color is in HD as in mania.  One does not get the choice to decide which color to see.  Some lean more toward the major depression end of the spectrum as I do, and some more toward manic.


There could be many things that trigger an episode either way.  There are some words that when I hear them it just puts me out of commission.  It can be for a day, a week, even a month.  I sometimes think when that happens it is my body’s way of protecting itself and helping itself to regroup.  Everyone does not understand.  Some say just snap out of it, some admit to not understanding and do not say anything at all.
Today is one of those days.  I feel very tired and weary.  My face has been swollen the past couple of days which it does that when an episode is coming on.  I don’t know why but that is usually the only warning I get.  I drank a glass of hot green tea, but no pep today.  So I guess what I would need to do is go to bed and try again tomorrow.
-Hope