Sunday, May 6

My Struggle


People always joke that people with bipolar disorder are crazy or are like a three-headed monster.  I know that they are not crazy; they just see the world in color.  Sometimes that color is grey, as I think in terms of depression, and sometimes I think the color is in HD as in mania.  One does not get the choice to decide which color to see.  Some lean more toward the major depression end of the spectrum as I do, and some more toward manic.


There could be many things that trigger an episode either way.  There are some words that when I hear them it just puts me out of commission.  It can be for a day, a week, even a month.  I sometimes think when that happens it is my body’s way of protecting itself and helping itself to regroup.  Everyone does not understand.  Some say just snap out of it, some admit to not understanding and do not say anything at all.
Today is one of those days.  I feel very tired and weary.  My face has been swollen the past couple of days which it does that when an episode is coming on.  I don’t know why but that is usually the only warning I get.  I drank a glass of hot green tea, but no pep today.  So I guess what I would need to do is go to bed and try again tomorrow.
-Hope

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